Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
