in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
