I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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