i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
