i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
