A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
