I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
