I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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