If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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