My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
