If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
