What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
