i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
