Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
