Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
