I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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