So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
