franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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