Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dignity is for republicans.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
