I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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