Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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