According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I lost the right to judge tonight
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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