problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
