Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
