So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize