I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Do vagina's smell?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
