im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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