Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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