**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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