she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
