At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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