I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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