Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
