god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
