My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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