She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
