I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
