I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
