...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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