Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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