I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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