I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
