i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
