He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize