Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
