Porn is love you can see.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
