Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
