It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We are all done wearing pants today
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
