what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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