And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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