im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
