It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
smell my finger.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
