You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
