Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
