Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
