Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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