I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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