Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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