Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
