How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
