i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
