I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
