I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
