my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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