Plan B is the new Plan A
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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