Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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