allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
