i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize