The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
