did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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