Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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