look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
