You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
