At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
