your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
sarcasm needs its own font
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
