So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
