She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
