So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I AM VODKA MAN
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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