I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
