zippers are such a cool invention
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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