I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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