Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
