so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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