Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
