some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
