Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize