I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
