seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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