i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
