The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
