I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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