Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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