I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
