I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i dont even know how to be here
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i out mim tonsoeep
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