I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
